No matter how you try to avoid it, the pressure of not getting married when your peers already did would constantly plague you. It is safe to say that the world wherein you grew up has always dictated you to go and get married as early as your 20s or else it’s too late. But, now that you are supposedly at the right age, it just so happened that you are in no way in a position to tie the knot.
And so, you start to question yourself. Sadly, society ingrained in you, as an adult, your worth as being based on the lifetime complimentary pair of another person, more so on your ability to consummate your union. It is devastating for some to be forced into this thought process that permeated cultures and religions the world over forever.
If only all still-single individuals could be brave enough to see past these outdated customs, we will realize that these are, after all, man-made. We cannot allow these to overturn the power of individuality we all possess, and we must all embrace the fact that we are a whole and not a puzzle piece finding its perfect match. If you are yet to call yourself proudly single, here are some thoughts you can ponder on:
In a more traditional sense, marriage is viewed as a milestone. It is viewed as a goal one has to tick off a list as if it is prescribed for every grownup to comply. But, the world has changed drastically since the boomer generation and, in turn, witnessed concepts like gender roles and patriarchy being scrapped to make way for more socially equitable ones like women empowerment, breaking the glass ceiling, and non-discrimination of gender and other social constructs that strive to highlight our differences.
Our parents and grandparents grew in an age where they were programmed to go to school to find a job, work to earn a living, find a partner who can make you happy accompany you for the rest of your life, and get married so you are accepted by the community. Little did they know how limited their independent decisions were. It takes the guts to acknowledge that all these things they were taught to do were the only available life routes.
The end-all many singles should learn to live with is, as cliche as it sounds, is you are not born to fit in. You are capable of creating the reality you want and not necessarily by following conventional means. You can amass wealth without having a degree and, more importantly, not basing your happiness and self-worth on having a lifetime partner.
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A Matter of Priority
Maybe you know your plate is full and you just don’t see how you can insert having a relationship into your priorities. You could be currently occupied with pursuing your masters so you have better employment prospects, and so you can afford that lifestyle you have always dreamed of. Or, you could be engrossed with caring for your elderly parents and you would rather relish the time you have left to spend with them.
You could be simply striving to make ends meet payroll after payroll. Or, you want to prioritize becoming financially independent, getting your own house, and saving for a life plan so that you do not have to burden anyone, let alone the family that you might plan on making someday, with your financial woes. These are all valid reasons.
It is saddening, even infuriating that society, in other words, your toxic relatives and people who are supposedly your friends pushes you to explain why you are not yet married when you do not have to. If anything, you are doing the world a favor by prioritizing yourself and your development before binding yourself in a lifelong commitment and possibly passing on untreated trauma and unresolved problems to your spouse and children.
Personal Long-Term Vision
Maybe you can envision yourself in that dazzling wedding gown, marching down the aisle, to marry your best friend or maybe not. You can never tell how your life will unfold. Nevertheless, you should not lose sight of your long-term goals.
Putting things in a practical perspective, you would rather set yourself up first for a stable source of income and make sure you have adequate life savings before having someone sweep you off your feet. Take our word for it, most fights and discontentment in relationships will almost always have something to do with money and you do not want to go through that with the love of your life.
Happiness and self-fulfillment mean many things for today’s generations. You do not have to hold yourself back from attaining yours just because you are afraid of becoming ostracized.